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Author Topic: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?  (Read 614 times)

Eric

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2016, 08:13:00 pm »

Kayenta, there are not words to express how disheartening to hear that you and your mother are going through all of this. Your catalyst brother in particular has the emotional intelligence of a teenager transplanted into a culture not at all like his own.

Keep on truckin'. If nothing else, at least the wool is not still over your eyes. It's the worst when you get lied to, and the truth doesn't come out till it's too late. Just don't forget about your own health; sometimes you gotta tell it like it is to the people you are frustrated with, especially if they just don't get it.
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KayentaMoenkopi

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #16 on: December 04, 2016, 02:05:21 am »

Thanks Guys. It's nice to hear from you.

I am ok. I really am used to it despite throwing up everywhere like this. Today's visit to the nursing home was oh so enlightening.

Mom is not even sick. The nursing home didn't contact either of my brothers, [#4 and #6] It was the hospice nurse who recently began visiting her.

Once you get to the point that you are not swallowing well, they call hospice. And she fed my brother a horror story. They have mom on a liquid diet, using thicket...which is basically powdered pectin like you use to make jelly...so its thick enough for her not to choke. But they are just giving her juice and water and I am like, "Uhm, how about Enure with thicket in it, so she can have some nutrients?"

and they were like, OMG!!! [insert hill-billy valley girl accent] what a great idea!!

gotta have the doctor order it though, and he will. but JFC...that trick is older than me! Why do I have to tell them she needs to get nutrients so use a liquid diet supplement drink?

And then I went back this evening and fed her supper....juice. and she was very responsive. Even spoke. "let me do it!" lol

she can't hold a spoon anymore but she could hold my wrist so that is what we did.

but you do know that life is worth living, even though it can be a bit more fun than I can take, from time to time.
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Eric

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #17 on: December 04, 2016, 06:04:42 pm »

Huh. You have got some real whack medical professionals tending to your mother. Are you sure they aren't associated with the VA? :?:
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KayentaMoenkopi

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #18 on: December 06, 2016, 12:15:31 am »

I keep telling people that WV is America's version of a third world country when it comes to the medical profession, but no one really believes me.

So I go to the home today, to check and see if the Dr. ordered the Ensure. And no. With chocking the way that she is, they have almost lost her twice having to suction her to save her life. And this can cause bleeding and increase the risk of aspiration into the lung from that, as well as increase her risk for pneumonia. And ensure is milk based, which will increase mucus production and increase the risk of chocking.

So the plan is to let her starve to death.

And I am like, "Surely there are liquid supplements that are not milk based. You are still putting things into her mouth...the water and juice with thicket...so, how will dissolved vitamins and minerals and fiber and protein increase the risk of chocking any more than just plain water with thicket? If they are putting things into her mouth, then those things should have some nutritional value. Otherwise, what is the point of risking the chocking in the first place?

they literally wheel her down to the dinning hall 3 times a day so she can sit there and watch everyone else eat, and she does gesture to them and become distressed while they have real food and she gets thick water...

They say the medical power of attorney made the decision. Brother [#5] in Wisconsin.

SO I write the family mailing list updating them all along. and send this info along. Letting them know I am always asked if I am on the list before they will even speak to me. And they verify that I am so they share info.

So the brother write to inform me that there is no list of power of attorney and he will be sharing my email with the doctor and the hospice nurse and the director of the nursing home.

So I educate him a bit on how I have not given him permission to show my private family correspondences to stranger but that he can use the names and the information I have provided himw hen he speaks to these people and that i await his next letter so I can hear what he finds out.

I also educate him on how I am aware there is no list of power of attorney and that there is only one and that is him. That the list is the names of people the facility is allowed to share medical information about mom with as per the privacy act. That without me being on the list they cannot even confirm that she lives there let alone share her private medical history.

and yes...he is a dick. and yes this is my life...
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Eric

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #19 on: December 06, 2016, 10:50:36 pm »

I keep telling people that WV is America's version of a third world country when it comes to the medical profession, but no one really believes me...

It's too close to home for me to believe it (Virginia FTW).

Sounds like the Power of Attorney slip of paper needs an extension with your name on it. is there any way to arrange that?
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KayentaMoenkopi

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #20 on: December 07, 2016, 01:59:28 am »

no.
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KayentaMoenkopi

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #21 on: December 15, 2016, 10:45:54 am »

So my sister came in to visit mom with me. She is still hanging in there while they starve her to death. She was very glad to see both of us, smiling and talking and bossing us around. Imagine, MY MOTHER a bossy woman.

heavens...

anyway, hardly on death's door step. The stupidity drives me insane. The POA/Brother is depending on the doctor, whom dad called an incompetent quack from the moment he came to town and refused to take new patients. Dad was retiring and was quite excited to have a new doctor in town...who immediately refused to treat anyone in it...yeah.

With my driving miss daisy job I had at the senior citizen's center...talking them to appointments....well their personal experiences with the man were less glowing than my father's words. And he was a Marine, so you got the PG version. It tickles me to hear old people swear...I miss that job. It was great all the stuff I learned from people. But yeah...this guy...is who my brother looks to treat our mother.

Well, my successive reports are just going to go down hill from there, you can be sure. I will not make another.

And thanks for all your kind words during this time. It was hard losing my dad, but this one...this one is gonna kill me.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2016, 10:48:08 am by KayentaMoenkopi »
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Eric

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #22 on: December 16, 2016, 02:13:36 am »

So my sister came in to visit mom with me. She is still hanging in there while they starve her to death. She was very glad to see both of us, smiling and talking and bossing us around. Imagine, MY MOTHER a bossy woman.

heavens...

anyway, hardly on death's door step. The stupidity drives me insane. The POA/Brother is depending on the doctor, whom dad called an incompetent quack from the moment he came to town and refused to take new patients. Dad was retiring and was quite excited to have a new doctor in town...who immediately refused to treat anyone in it...yeah.

With my driving miss daisy job I had at the senior citizen's center...talking them to appointments....well their personal experiences with the man were less glowing than my father's words. And he was a Marine, so you got the PG version. It tickles me to hear old people swear...I miss that job. It was great all the stuff I learned from people. But yeah...this guy...is who my brother looks to treat our mother.

Well, my successive reports are just going to go down hill from there, you can be sure. I will not make another.

And thanks for all your kind words during this time. It was hard losing my dad, but this one...this one is gonna kill me.

Keep Merlin confused and you will get through it. If all else fails, follow your gut over your ear, especially if Donald starts quacking about insurance.

No, the duck, not the trump.
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KayentaMoenkopi

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #23 on: January 30, 2017, 04:25:27 pm »

Where to begin? Cues Carl Sagan "Billions and Billions of years ago..."

Brother, AKA sibling #4, decided that the best way to teach me a lesson for daring to ask a question about mom's health care...in case you didn't read all the crap above I will say that the obvious explanation is that asking a question means that I feel HE is an idiot and a monster who doesn't care about mother...obviously...

I lost my train of thought...

Ah yes, the best way to punish me for asking a question, is to stop helping to pay for mom to be in the nursing home. And yes, he really taught me a lesson. He sure showed me good. What a guy. just let's that sink in for a bit and provides elevator music during the intermission
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PYKOo_jgJo

SO...Siblings #1, #2, #3, and #6 are scrambling to pick up the slack and I am told they will be able to cover it. Of course my money, such as it is, does not meet my own needs but they understand this is not possible for me and still keep my informed on what is happening, because unlike sibling #4, they understand that just because I do not pay money to take care of mom, it does not mean I do not care about her nor does it mean that I do not need to know what is being done to aid her. I guess that is indicative of something; perhaps mom and dad did manage to raise some children who are not total asswipes after all.

Fun Fact: Sibling #4 informs me that in Peru, he moved there with his wife you may recall, private care in the hospital does not exist. His/her uncle Leonardo is in the hospital with pneumonia and they have to pay for a nurse to tend to him. They can only afford...ha ha...to buy one for an 8 hour shift. So who knew? It seems that the USA does not have the worst health care system in the world. And no, Sibling #4 did not consult sibling #6 to see if he could afford to help pay for mom's health care. It was just dumped in their lap...CATCH!!! HAVE FUN WITH THE SHIT SAMMICH! LOVE YOU, MISS  YOU, KTXBAI

And me? Well the online application process for signing up for medicade somehow merged my app with someone else and it got denied. Yeah, don't even understand. So now I am starting all over again with an old fashioned paper application because that will be much faster...30 days after submission...than getting an IT guy to unmerge the application and blah blah blah....

SO I have no money for my shots and blood work. I was approved retroactively for 3 months in the past but have no current coverage. At least it paid off the $17K overnight stay in the hospital that one night I recently had. But no treatment...until this all gets sorted out, with no guarantee I will be approved once it is sorted out.

I am ignoring the part where treatment in a timely fashion staves off permanent damage to my brain, I am sure that the 2-9 years I went undiagnosed will not factor in at all...because you know with dad having dementia and mom having Alzheimer Disease, I really do not have anything to worry about...it is preposterous to worry that the same thing might happen to me.

I am tired and going to bed now. Do take care!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYE2kfveYIo
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KayentaMoenkopi

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #24 on: March 26, 2017, 04:51:15 pm »

So...all I can think of is what I said...I wonder how long it takes a person to starve to death?

for my mother, 113 days. Yes, she died this morning. And yes the sister and brother are still being shitheads. The rest of us were either down at the nursing home yesterday or in transit from Michigan and Peru to get here.

I sat with her last night till about 6am this morning then just had to go home and rest. I got the call a little bit ago.

So its all kind of down to logistics, the phone calls to make, the possessions to pick up, the obituary to write, the date to set...

Father was down at the nursing home with us last night, gave her the last rights...though as a bad Catholic I am aware they do not call it that anymore but can't for the life of me remember what the PC term for it is these days. I believe they just call it the anointing of the sick.

My mind is filled with all sorts of inane little thoughts. I shall spare you the details.

Stunned, relieved...still processing.

Em
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Eric

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #25 on: March 27, 2017, 02:09:44 am »

So...all I can think of is what I said...I wonder how long it takes a person to starve to death?

for my mother, 113 days. Yes, she died this morning. And yes the sister and brother are still being shitheads. The rest of us were either down at the nursing home yesterday or in transit from Michigan and Peru to get here.

I sat with her last night till about 6am this morning then just had to go home and rest. I got the call a little bit ago.

So its all kind of down to logistics, the phone calls to make, the possessions to pick up, the obituary to write, the date to set...

Father was down at the nursing home with us last night, gave her the last rights...though as a bad Catholic I am aware they do not call it that anymore but can't for the life of me remember what the PC term for it is these days. I believe they just call it the anointing of the sick.

My mind is filled with all sorts of inane little thoughts. I shall spare you the details.

Stunned, relieved...still processing.

Em

At least she was able to spend some of her last hours with someone who she cared deeply about, and who cares deeply about her. At least now she is at peace, resting in a better place.

Best wishes and good luck with these last closing issues. May 26th will probably never be just another day ever again, so I hope you are able to make the best of it.
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Dāto Terumī

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #26 on: March 27, 2017, 02:41:34 am »

You have my condolences, such as they are. And if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for ya.
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KayentaMoenkopi

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Re: A Little TMI, but what the heck, right?
« Reply #27 on: March 27, 2017, 06:08:37 am »

Thank you both.  I will be fine, naturally.
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