Text Issues

atomkai

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #810 on: May 06, 2009, 02:14:52 PM »

You gain a level in Hyouton Ninjutsu. All in all, you have 11 skillpoints with this specialty and 12 all in all!

--------------------------------------------------------------

The above text is after challenging (and beating, of course) your master.

The "all in all" used twice seems a bit redundant to me. Also, would changing "skillpoints" to " chakra points " be appropriate?

Perhaps something like this:

You gain a level in %s. You now have a total of %s chakra points with this specialty and %s chakra points in all.


« Last Edit: May 06, 2009, 02:15:16 PM by atomkai »	Logged

Ite

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #811 on: May 10, 2009, 05:05:04 PM »

~ ~ ~ Fight ~ ~ ~

You have encountered Orochimaru which lunges at you with Sword of Kusanagi!

Orochimaru (Level 17)
Health: (553/869)

Hontō 土 Kaito:
Health: (234/300)

You feel great and healthy!
Orochimaru suffers 44 damage from the sharp wings!
Orochimaru suffers 65 damage from the sharp wings!
Orochimaru suffers 73 damage from the sharp wings!
Orochimaru suffers 74 damage from the sharp wings!
Orochimaru suffers 74 damage from the sharp wings!
You are engulfed in Orochimaru's snakes and take 65 damage.
Hyouton - Souryuu Boufuusetsu!
You releases two dragons of black snow that merge into a massive tornado at Orochimaru.
Orochimaru suffers 97 damage from the freezing tornado!
Orochimaru suffers 122 damage from the freezing tornado!
Orochimaru suffers 118 damage from the freezing tornado!
End of Round:
Orochimaru (Level 17)
Health: (-114/869) DEFEATED

Hontō 土 Kaito:
Health: (182/300)

With a mighty final blow, Orochimaru lets out a tremendous bellow and falls at your feet, dead at last.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Release


« Last Edit: May 10, 2009, 05:05:52 PM by Ite »	Logged

Ryo

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #812 on: June 09, 2009, 02:20:56 AM »

[Regarding the forest ANBU event..I thought I copied the whole thing. >_> But anyway...]

Oh, you're wounded. Our medical ninjas is going to treat you.

-----------------------------------

I believe it should be...

Oh, you're wounded. Our medical ninjas are going to treat you.
Or..
Oh, you're wounded. Our medical ninja is going to treat you.


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Demon Bandit Taumaster

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #813 on: June 09, 2009, 04:06:10 AM »

Quote from: Ryo on June 09, 2009, 02:20:56 AM

So the correction is:

Our medical ninja is going to treat you.

or

Our medical ninja are going to treat you.

or

Our medical ninjas are going to treat you.

Anyone will work.


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Poisons, acids, diseases, and snakes. What more could you want?

Nagi

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #814 on: June 12, 2009, 05:04:40 PM »

Academy Student Ayami has been bruised in the forest by Tayuya.
Tayuya was overheard saying, "her Finely Crafted Kama was no match for my Flute!"

The 'h' in 'her' needs to be capitalized.


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Mihazi

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #815 on: September 06, 2009, 06:55:05 PM »

Without another word, she takes your head and presses herself against you, so much you nearly stumble.

The world begins to spin in bitter sweetness brought by her cold hot lips... you see only whit flakes dancing in front of you eyes... whatever good or evil you've done vanishes from your conscience, as you wake up several hours later on an empty clearing, you feel

----

cold hot -> cold, hot (add a comma?)
whit -> white
you -> your
on -> in?


« Last Edit: September 06, 2009, 07:03:49 PM by Mihazi »	Logged

Demon Bandit Taumaster

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #816 on: September 10, 2009, 12:48:57 PM »

Something cold and hot? I'm pretty sure that's not really possible.. :p


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Mihazi

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #817 on: September 10, 2009, 05:38:07 PM »

Depends on how you define cold and hot.

Cold could be heat wise, but hot could be 'sexiness'. Vice versa.

Besides, then what does cold hot mean? :d


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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #818 on: September 12, 2009, 11:23:16 PM »

So cold that they burn, maybe? I don't know.<<


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Mihazi

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #819 on: September 16, 2009, 08:06:48 PM »

As you enter, you can see sealing symbols written in an ancient languages all over the place. This must be what hides this cave, but how were you now able to find it?

Your mind wents blank and you close your eyes... sleep, thicker and blacker than any you experienced conquers you... is forcing himself into your head.

-

an ancient language
or get rid of "an"

wents -> goes


« Last Edit: September 16, 2009, 08:09:56 PM by Mihazi »	Logged

sevilon

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #820 on: February 25, 2010, 06:22:51 PM »

Behind you stands a large shinobi... larger than any shinobi you've ever seen.
" Well... you have some guts doing something like that... a lesson is not enough for you... you need some real punishment!"

Faster than you can look... you are entangled... and see the elf checking your equipment!

should be shinobi i think


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Neji

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #821 on: March 11, 2010, 10:36:35 AM »

Sorry for the late answers:

"cold hot lips" is an Anti-Thesis... hot meant in the sexual way, cold in the more physical way. I like to play with words =)

Rest should be fixed.


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Mihazi

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #822 on: June 03, 2010, 08:21:09 PM »

You look ahead to see a huge Staircase that seems to a strange man wearing a hooded cloak, and a necklace of keys around his neck.

----

Why is the "s" in staircase capitalized?

seems -> leads


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Neji

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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #823 on: June 04, 2010, 08:22:02 AM »

Fixed.


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Re: Text Issues

« Reply #824 on: August 04, 2010, 07:07:02 PM »

Also on the Keymaster event:

"Could you help me out of bed dear child?." He asks.

Double punctuation/fragment. I think switching the period for a comma would look awkward, but it'd fix it.


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Quote from: Hiro on November 11, 2008, 03:27:17 AM

This story is sponsored by the Emo Rappers of America! Putting the "Angst" in "Gangster!"

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