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Author Topic: Not sure.  (Read 251 times)

Asadi

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Not sure.
« on: May 26, 2016, 09:12:05 am »

It was a cool night, just past one in the morning. There I stood on the front porch of my home, looking her in the eyes, barely visible from the glow of the landscape lights that dotted the front of the house.

"I love you." She said. Whether it was true or not, the words struck a hollow chord within my chest. It was as if I was being choked by my own lungs. Heavy in chest, light in the head, I just stared back. Those three words came forth, no heed. The emotion raw in the wind of the torrent that stormed in my heart and mind.

"I love you too."

There it seemed, despite being a foot apart, we drifted miles apart in a fraction of a second. "I'll be back soon." She said. A lie; We all knew it. But, nothing was said in the fleeting moments. The woman would be gone, fleeing the scene of a tragedy at heart and soul.

"Be safe..." The words rang true. "Don't do anything stupid." The worry all to real in my voice. I didn't know what else to do or say. The reaction came as if by habit, or ingrained into every fiber of my being. I reached out and pulled her into an embrace.

You ever had that moment - that moment where you know it will be the last time you see someone, to tell them you love them, that they mean the world? It's that last moment that hangs in your memory and heart as they're pulled from your life. It's that raw moment that you'll remember always. From grandparents, friends, and even your partner/spouse. A pain that no medication, no alcohol can numb... only time.

Moments passed, yet it felt like a lifetime. She pulled from the embrace and kissed me. "See you soon." Those words seemed so sweet, so real. The visceral feeling cut deep as she said 'I love you' before leaving in casting glow in front of our home.

There she walked to her car, opening the door, giving a look to me as if I were to stop. But, how could I? Despite it all, I stood there weak, unable to move. As if an invisible figure stood before me, an iron grip upon my flesh, stopping me from even reacting.

The door closed, sealing off what once was forever more. Starting the engine, she rolled down the window. "I love you." It rang again in a heavenly hollow chord.

With that, she was gone. I stood there, no thought in my head. Empty, yes. There wasn't an emotion within that wanted to spring forth and shout at the top of its lungs. Silence was all that was left as I watched the taillights fade away into the darkness. All I could do was stand there, hands shaking as I reached into my pockets to pull out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes.

There in the recedes of the dark porch, a faint light came as smoke drifted into the air. It was done; It was all gone. But the taint still remained.
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Ѕhadow

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Re: Not sure.
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2016, 09:21:24 am »

Sorry for your loss.
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Eric

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Re: Not sure.
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2016, 01:34:59 pm »

I've never had a loving good-bye where I know for certain that the other person was not going to come back.

Sorry to hear about your loss; I can only imagine what it would be like to lose someone that close to me for the rest of foreseeable time. I can only imagine and sympathize with your grief.
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Anything you can think of I can't think of, let me know; that's how the sharing circle works.

KayentaMoenkopi

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Re: Not sure.
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2016, 06:49:16 pm »

I know you are not eating...
*filled with worry*
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Masane

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Re: Not sure.
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2016, 03:34:56 am »

Hey man, that was deep and I feel for you greatly. I know what its like to see someone I love leave and never return to me. Even though we acted like he would. I wont say I completely understand but I am sorry for what you felt and I swear it will get better.
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