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[Rusaku]

I’m not really sure where to begin with this, but I’m hoping that if I put my thoughts down on paper, it will make me feel better or sort my feelings out. Right now I feel like my life is either in a rut or shambles or somewhere in between. What you’re about to read is very “First world” and I’m aware that there are more serious issues out there, but I’m still being affected.

I should probably start with where I started feeling myself dip into depression. As of right now, I work in a factory (I know, glorious) and we are in a serious situation when it comes to staffing. Seems like no matter who we hire, they always leave within a week or two and I end up being the one who gets to pick up all the slack, because I’m the senior worker. Only been there 6 months by the way if that says anything. With all this extra work landing in my lap, I’m having a hell of a time staying motivated knowing that tomorrow is just going to be the same old song and dance, but with more steps to the choreography.

Though what would get me through the day is a combination of the cool people I work with (not my bosses, they eat ass) and knowing I get to see my girl when I get home. But today I find out that one of the only people who really make my day bearable is leaving, once again dropping all of his work in my lap. I’m basically being given a management position with no training or extra pay. So the extra work and losing a work friend had me down, but I was ready to come home and see Tanner (my lady).

So what do I come home to today? Nothing bad like cheating, but the house is a mess and the dog had gotten into the trash while she was asleep. She works nights, so her schedule is to sleep all day while I’m at work and we hang out once I get home until she has to work at 9. So I go through and pick up all the messes, like I do every single day, and go to wake her up. But today she is feeling especially tired, so she wants to sleep instead of hang out with me. That’s fine, I understand not wanting to hang out every day. It’s cool. But she tells me that she got me something for christmas, and wants me to open it now. “Cool!” I think, “something that will get me out of this foul mood.” So she goes into the closet and pulls out my present. It turns out that it’s a really nice, expensive camera. I’m appreciative, obviously, but I have literally no interest in photography whatsoever. I don’t know why she thought that it was something that I wanted. Considering I was already lethargic, it didn’t take much for me to be let down and push me deeper into it. Now my mind is racing. I googled the camera and found out it was $250, which is expensive for our budget. All I can think of is the things I would have rather had that money for. Like the bills that she never helps with. I mean she helps with groceries every once in awhile, but even with that she spends like 100 a month on them and spends the rest of her money on stupid shit like Bath bombs and pokemon games. So now I’m frustrated with her for spending money on something that I don’t want or need, instead of helping around the house or with the bills. “Whatever...I’ll cook this dope meal that I have been planning for a few days.”

So I spend the next hour and a half cooking Lemon chicken, on a bed of cheese tortellini with a homemade parmesan sauce. Shit was hard to make, ok? I’ve never made lemon chicken and didn’t know how to marinate it...Off topic, but still.

So I finish and go to wake her up again. Well she comes out and takes three bites, tells me she doesn't like it, and goes back to bed, leaving me to not only clean up the mess, but throw away all the food I just made. Shit was bomb by the way. At this point I’m basically a wreck. I’m honestly not sure how she didn’t notice, which also makes me feel bad in retrospect. I figure maybe SL would get my mind off things. Give me a chance to shoot the shit with a few friends and brainstorm some cool ideas that will never get put to use. Though that’s wishful thinking, because the moment I log on I’m bombarded with stupid fucking arguments that are literally pointless. Shit that makes this game a chore opposed to a fun pastime. So I’m already at a low point and the one escape I have leads me into more shit. Now my only urge is to either bite the bullet or swallow all the pills I have under my sink, but I resist and lay down in bed with Tanner to just...rest. She wakes up and asks how I’m doing. I said Biiiiiiiiiitch...JK...but I wanted too. So I said fuck it and told her that I was feeling really depressed. I was expecting some words of encouragement or something to try and help me out of this, instead she gives me a kiss and said “Well I gotta go to work. We can talk tomorrow.” And she leaves... So here I am sitting in my dark room writing to a bunch of people who probably don’t give a rats ass about me or my problems. But after 10 years of playing a game where I have to write everything down, this has become my outlet. I just...what do I do? Anyone got literally anything that can ease my mood? 

[Becquerel]

Well, you could have salvaged the food and just saved it for leftovers. You should never throw out food unless it's gone fowl (and even then, I know I've eaten a few things that I probably shouldn't have) if you're really trying to save money.

As for everything else, I can't really offer many suggestions because I'm more well off due to having a stable military job and saving up during deployments. And I'm not big on relationships either so I can't really help out with that either I know that this place can be pretty disheartening, because I know for me the hardest part is actually finding sense in a lot of stuff. For me, because there's no system in place and everything is arbitrary, I find it really difficult to actually have some quality RP going on. Which is why I offered the idea of building a dice system. But, there's still good people to chat with on here so that's a good thing, even if you have to trudge through the muck to find some of that stuff Once it starts feeling like a chore, it's not really fun anymore.

But hey, at least you have someone who cares about you, right? You gotta look at it from her perspective too, because she needs to help with the income as well.
Money > All things
And if I were a very compassionate person, if someone told me they were depressed before I was about to go and couldn't really do well that would kind of sour my mood. Wait until she gets home to talk more about it, when you both have time.

And as for having to basically bear the whole factory on your back, well, that's sometimes how it is. When you have incompetent workers hired to work with you, you either pick up their slack or let them sink and burn. I usually do the latter except for in deployment situations (because I don't want to die lol). Tell your supervisor/union manager about the fact that all the other workers suck. Or, keep looking for another job and quit once you get one?

[Warren]

Unlike popular belief dudes venting is actually allowed >> so good on you ignoring the stereotype. Also my bad if my spazzing over rowlet annoyed you XD didn't know you don't dig the games.

As for talking with her, good idea, at least when both of you are on the proper mindset and stuff. There's no point trying to force it cause that's just asking for drama to happen, but overall a conversation should still be able to be had if necessary, cause lets be real how are you gonna live with the girl if things can't be discussed?

[Vail]

Sorry to hear that so much is going bad for you bro, especially work. Have you considered switching jobs or making your grievances known to your employer?

As for the relationship thing, I recommend using the time you two set aside for yourself to hangout one night to talk about your current situation. Try to go into it with a level head though because you don't want the entire thing to blow up. Let her know how you've been feeling, especially about the bills and what not, but try not to sound accusatory when you're doing it. You know? I was having that same problem with my girl so I had to just really pick my words carefully and make it clear that I wasn't attacking her, but still being honest that I wasn't happy with a certain thing or another.

Like maybe tell her while you appreciate the gift, that perhaps she could have spent the money on something like bills that would have lightened the load on you. And hey, you have a camera now. Give it a shot, dude. It's always good to expand your skills. Plus, you can use the camera for fun or somehow develop a job on the side to make some extra cash. Try to look at the bright side of it.

[KayentaMoenkopi]

Work is work. If you can talk to the boss and explain the overload and such, go for it. Always keep your eyes open for other work that might suit your situation better.

As for relationships, only you know what conversations you can have with someone and which ones you can't. It's real easy to sit back and look at some one else and totally miss the picture though.

It really sucks when your rhythms don't match up either. Being on odd shifts is hard to take cause one of you is always going to be tired at the wrong time.

Just make the time to talk.