update? yeah, why not, right?
So the doctor calls me this week, her office does.
"Have you gotten the blood work done and have you picked a primary physician yet?"
--> they mean nurse practitioner, cause you don't get to see a doctor anymore unless its a specialist, and then only half the time. I wonder if they bill the same price for the nurse practitioner though? Anyway...
and I am like, "Yes, I did the blood work yesterday. but I am still waiting on my paperwork to see if I am approved for the medical card. So no, I have not found a primary care physician." Initial visit over $325 buck? who can afford that shit?
And she was like, "Well alright then. And how are you doing with those weekly shots?"
Blink blink..."Uhm, what weekly shots? I was told to wait until after the blood work came back to see what my B12 levels were and then we would plan a course of action?" [have witness, didn't go to the doctor alone]
And she is like, "Oh no. You were supposed to be taking them once a week."
So, no wonder I am not getting better. And missing just as much work as ever because of all the blah blah blah that goes with this....but I am nice. I did not say any of that. "Oh! I totally misunderstood. Can you call me in a prescription?"...sure...she can. oddly enough she hadn't already done that weeks ago...
SO now I shoot up once a week. Hopefully this works. The blood work showed I was still way low even after the shot they gave me at that first visit. My mother never had to take them every week. I would hate to think how low it initially was. Or how many years I have been suffering with this, cause I count at least 9, the last 2 being the absolute worst.
Over $325 bucks for that visit to the doctor...for this? I could have put tires on my car for winter and had the same result. No treatment!
So that was...Monday. No, Tuesday. Thank God I wrote it on the wall calendar.
Tonight I get a forwarded email from my brother who moved to Peru[# 6 of us kids by mom], the day after Thanksgiving. And yes it is 'cute' that his wife thinks I will be able to go visit them some day. And felt the need to explain to me why it was important that I go to the nursing home to visit my own mother for Christmas cause she will not get a present if I do not go...And I smile and thank her for thinking of that. And yes, this really is my life.
Sorry, the email, right? My eyesight is going to hell. I use these dollar store reading glasses, 1.25 magnification now. $1 a piece. Already on my third pair cause I wander around with them on my head, literally on my head wondering where the hell I put them...well, that only happened tonight. The other times the house ate them and they are still MIA.
So the email, right? I see this...
"The funeral will be at...[the funeral home in my town]...and she will be buried beside dad. And yes, everything is paid for."
Now, several things go through my head. He[#6] is in Peru...I[#7] am 15 minutes from the nursing home. And I am like, "So my mother is dead?" Where the fuck are my glasses...I wander around and am in shock. I can't find them.
See, I can see great. Only not within arms length to read by. So when I walk I take them off or I can't see great and feel dizzy. And eventually I realize I have perched them on top of my head so I won't lose them when I got up to go check the email.
So I fit them on my nose and continue reading...I scroll down, and my brother[#4] who lives in Wisconsin actually sent the thing. The original message said, "Mom is not eating. She can't swallow. She is sick and they stopped giving her meds by mouth. And its all down to if she gets pneumonia or not. What arrangements do we have?" And the other brother[#6] replied to that. and forwards it cause he sees that myself and my sister[#5] who lives in the UK are not on the mailing list.
And I am just...shaking at this point at how FUCKING STUPID MY TWO BROTHERS ARE!!!!!!!
I call the nursing home and mom is not dying...tonight. I call off work I will go see her tomorrow. She is on antibiotics and whatever. I will find out tomorrow cause they just put her to bed and she is resting. And the nurse laughs when I tell her the tone of the email made me think she was dying. "Oh no hon. she is just ill." Then she proceeds to tell me how she can't swallow and they have to use suction on her. And that she is all congested and can't cough anything up.
And I know that she is getting dehydrated. We been here before. And I know they are letting her lie flat on her back, which is like the worst thing in the world for elderly people to get pneumonia with. And I know they can't give her an IV in the nursing home cause that is considered critical care at this place, so she would have to go to the hospital and be admitted to get it done. And I am thinking, well how long until you send her to the hospital. Until she is dead just like you did with grandma and my dad? But I am nice. I do not ask any of these things from the night nurse. She can't do anything about it. I will go in tomorrow and jerk the doctor's chain and make shit happen.
So then later my brother[#6] calls from Peru. And I tell him what I had learned. And he is sure she is dying. "She had been taking antibiotics since Monday and still is not better."
Blink...blink..."Well duh, you ever had pneumonia and been cured after only 5 days of drugs? Call the AMA~ its a miracle!" But I do not say this either. Instead, I promise to update him after I go to the nursing home in the morning.
Then my oldest sister[#2] calls from across the other side of the state. And I set her mind to rest and promise to update her. And I tell her I was not on the mailing list nor was the other sister[#5] in the UK. And she says, "Oh be glad Em. Do you know what the title of the originial email was?
Mom's Funeral.
SO all of them on the list are freaking before they even open the dog damned thing. And my brother[#3] in Michigan, whose wife is getting her heart surgery on Monday is freaking, once he reads it even still, cause he thinks mom is dying and that he is going to miss his mother's funeral. No way he can leave his wife right after heart surgery...
My oldest brother{#1] prolly had a heart attack when he got the stupid thing. I am just like...what the hell is wrong with you[#4]?. You have a frikken Master's degree from Notre Dame University in English and a Masters in Business. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH OTHERS AFTER ALL OF THAT?
? And was raised by the same parents as the rest of us.
Wisconsin. And he is a liberal. WTF?
Maybe he is the one who needs B12 shots.
But do you see the trend here? Everyone who lives too damned far away to do a blessed thing about it finds out...since Monday mind you...before me, who could walk to town in an hour!!!
But I will not say this. No, I will just blog this vomit here so I can be sane when I go deal with these fucks who dare to call themselves medical professionals. I swear my dad is rolling over in his grave!
SO yeah. There is denial. There is hope. But there is realism as well. More than likely we will all get a funeral for Christmas this year.
So I recall what she told me when I was a little girl. Her favorite hymn to sing at her funeral. Yeah, that's my mom.
In The Garden...
I don't know that I could get through the first verse.
