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Author Topic: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-  (Read 4724 times)

Shikki

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Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« on: January 29, 2008, 04:30:38 AM »

I laughed so hard when i read this thing.....

Hope you guys get the same kick out of it as i did XD

Quote
Is Your Child a Goth?

Presented by St. Mary's Church-


Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone
astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often
dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The
gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of
evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through
counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's
temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.






1.-Frequently wears black clothing.


2.-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.


3.-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.


4.-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.


5.-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.


6.-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord.
Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)


7.-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. />

8.-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible,
prayer, church or sports.


9.-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.


10.-Takes drugs.


11.-Drinks alcohol.


12.-Is suicidal and/or depressed.


13.-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is
a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His
love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health
center.)


14.-Complains of boredom.


15.-Sleeps too excessively or too little.


16.-Is excessively awake during the night.


17.-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.


18.-Spends large amounts of time alone.


19.-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak
to evil spirits through meditation.)


20.-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.



21.-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are
but a few examples of this.


22.-Misbehaves at school.


23.-Misbehaves at home.


24-Eats excessively or too little


25.-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.



26.-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires
believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should
be stopped immediately.)


27.-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask
your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)


28.-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. />

29.-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.


30.-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.


31.-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.


32.-Expresses an interest in sex.


33.-Masturbates.


34.-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.


35.-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology,
Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.


36.-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".


37.-Claims to be a goth.



If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene
immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it.
If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental
health center.
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Abysss

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2008, 04:41:45 AM »

Is this a real church message?  :-?
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Maria

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2008, 04:59:35 AM »

14-24 and 27-35 are all things that most teens do though.
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doomstar

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2008, 06:08:45 AM »

oh, woe is me, I'm goth now >>
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Mihamaru

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2008, 11:55:16 AM »

This... this is just sad.
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sushigewd2.0

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2008, 12:47:36 PM »

oh geeze..... i think i need to go turn myself in. lol
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Shigeo

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2008, 02:52:51 PM »

And this is why I hate church. =\

'25.-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.'

What the...it's a bloody cereal!! -___- It's not goth-related...
« Last Edit: January 29, 2008, 03:22:17 PM by Shigeo »
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skr

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2008, 03:08:53 PM »

And stuff like this is the part of religion I disagree with. WTF, everything is related to Satan now?
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doomstar

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2008, 03:47:57 PM »

And stuff like this is the part of religion I disagree with. WTF, everything is related to Satan now?
claiming stuff is related to satan is related to satan!
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Baluski

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2008, 04:09:43 PM »

Let's send Anonymous after that St. Mary's church...
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Mihamaru

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2008, 06:58:14 PM »

And this is why I hate church. =\

'25.-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.'

What the...it's a bloody cereal!! -___- It's not goth-related...
The idiots got it wrong.
It is Count COCula
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MortalDragon

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2008, 08:52:04 PM »

Quote
14.-Complains of boredom.

15.-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

27.-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask
your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

28.-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. />

29.-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

Oh my god apparently I'm goth..... -_-

Also...
Quote
19.-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak
to evil spirits through meditation.)

27.-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask
your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
What the....?
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Kotomi

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2008, 11:08:13 PM »

St. Mary's sounds Catholic... or Episcopalian.
I know for a fact that Catholics are not that radical.... seriously: "Sleeps too excessively or too little?"
It sounds pretty comical to me. : /

...And roughly half of those apply to me, by the way. >>0
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Mihamaru

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #13 on: January 29, 2008, 11:11:57 PM »

Amazing...
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thecrazyanbu

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Re: Please contact your nearest church immediately if-
« Reply #14 on: January 29, 2008, 11:28:31 PM »

apparently im a goth who is optimistic.17-19 are pretty much the same things and 34 and 35 are just intolerant.
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shikkifujjin 
i refuse to spread it

i shall merely start it and continue on till i am bored
Hiro
"Your mom" jokes are like viruses. They die, but when they sense the right moment occurs, they come back to life and infect people.
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