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Author Topic: Kabuto desc  (Read 6846 times)

Asadi

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Kabuto desc
« on: November 06, 2007, 08:07:10 PM »

Seeing as oro gets his spot in the lime light when he dies made me look at Kabuto's death. And by doing that I noticed, there's nothing really there. You kill him and you're thanked, the end. So I thought I'd add a little something to it. Tell me what you think and if it would make a good addition.


With a swift blow, Kabuto falls to his knees. Looking upon you, he laughs weakly, "Seems I miscalculated." the broken man tries to stand, but fails as you grab your weapon, "Bah!" he yelled, "You're still no match for Lord Orochimaru. He's slain many Shinobi like you!" Kabuto gasps for air as he falls to the ground. With his last labored breath he curses your name.

Nobunaga hears Kabuto's curse, and runs to the mouth of the cave. Seeing the fallen Nin, he runs to your side, eager to shake you hand, "Thank you, so very much! Now we may live in peace..."

Near the corner of the cave, you see a young Academy Student walking inside the cave. Thinking nothing bad can come of it, you let the youngster on their way. Next to the cave you etch another marking, bringing your Kabuto kills to [kills #].


This seems a lot better. It fixes the errors in the current Kabuto death. Also down the road if want, coding for your current weapon and title code be put in. Such as with a swift blow from your kunai. And, "He's slain many Anbu like you!"

Let me know what you think.
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Neji

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2007, 08:39:36 PM »

Could you do even more, and write that all with colours please?

like

`2"`4He died, thank you!`2" he said.

<-- mind the colours ^^
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Never judge a cow by its udder.

Asadi

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2007, 08:58:46 PM »

`QWith a swift blow, `@Kabuto`Q falls to his knees. Looking upon you, he laughs weakly, "`$Seems I miscalculated.`Q" the broken man tries to stand, but fails as you grab your weapon, "`$Bah!`Q" he yelled, "`$You're still no match for Lord Orochimaru. He's slain many Shinobi like you!`Q" `@Kabuto`Q gasps for air as he falls to the ground. With his last labored breath he curses your name.

Nobunaga hears `@Kabuto's`Q curse, and runs to the mouth of the cave. Seeing the fallen Nin, he runs to your side, eager to shake your hand, "`%Thank you, so very much! Now we may live in peace...`Q"

Near the corner of the cave, you see a young `^Academy Student`Q walking inside. Thinking nothing bad can come of it, you let the youngster on their way. Next to the cave you etch another marking, bringing your `@Kabuto`Q kills to [kills #].



I modified the color for Miss UchihaBeast. >>
« Last Edit: November 26, 2007, 06:45:25 PM by Asadi »
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Uchihabeast

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #3 on: November 06, 2007, 09:58:58 PM »

You made Granny Happy.<<; XD
« Last Edit: November 06, 2007, 10:15:14 PM by Uchihabeast »
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Asadi

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2007, 05:19:08 PM »

Is this good, Neji?
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Asadi

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2007, 11:41:49 PM »

`QWith a swift blow, `@Kabuto`Q falls to his knees. Looking upon you, he laughs weakly, "`$Seems I miscalculated.`Q" the broken man tries to stand, but fails as you grab your weapon, "`$Bah!`Q" he yelled, "`$You're still no match for Lord Orochimaru. He's slain many Shinobi like you!`Q" `@Kabuto`Q gasps for air as he falls to the ground. With his last labored breath he curses your name.

Nobunaga hears `@Kabuto's`Q curse, and runs to the mouth of the cave. Seeing the fallen Nin, he runs to your side, eager to shake you hand, "`%Thank you, so very much! Now we may live in peace...`Q"

Near the corner of the cave, you see a young `^Academy Student`Q walking inside the cave. Thinking nothing bad can come of it, you let the youngster on their way. Next to the cave you etch another marking, bringing your `@Kabuto`Q kills to [kills #].



I modified the color for Miss UchihaBeast. >>
Is this alright Neji? I added the colour to the text. Hope it suits it well.
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Neji

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #6 on: November 22, 2007, 11:59:23 PM »

 :D I need more player feedback ... there was none really.
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Abysss

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2007, 12:47:33 AM »

:D I need more player feedback ... there was none really.
I think the description is great.  :D
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Shigeo

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2007, 10:20:46 AM »

I like it. Let's get it into the game ASAP. :3
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Uchihabeast

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2007, 10:23:00 AM »

I like it. Let's get it into the game ASAP. :3
AGREED!  :roll:
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Ace

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2007, 05:56:30 PM »

I like the description.


Nobunaga hears `@Kabuto's`Q curse, and runs to the mouth of the cave. Seeing the fallen Nin, he runs to your side, eager to shake you hand, "`%Thank you, so very much! Now we may live in peace...`Q"

It should be your hand.

Near the corner of the cave, you see a young `^Academy Student`Q walking inside the cave.

I don't really like how the sentence uses the word "cave" two times. Instead, it maybe could be walking towards you?
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Asadi

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #11 on: November 26, 2007, 06:47:34 PM »

I like the description.


Nobunaga hears `@Kabuto's`Q curse, and runs to the mouth of the cave. Seeing the fallen Nin, he runs to your side, eager to shake you hand, "`%Thank you, so very much! Now we may live in peace...`Q"

It should be your hand.

Near the corner of the cave, you see a young `^Academy Student`Q walking inside the cave.

I don't really like how the sentence uses the word "cave" two times. Instead, it maybe could be walking towards you?
Made the correction and changed the sentence to state, "walking inside." Does that make things better?
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cmage

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #12 on: November 27, 2007, 01:32:56 AM »

it's better than the current one
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Sandaime Mizukage Rakudo
Title: Kage
Gender: Male
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Born as Master of the Hyuuga Ichizoku
Born as Lee of the Lotus
Born as the Sage of One Path
Orochimaru Kills: 50
master of the exploding donuts and the cattleprod

Asadi

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #13 on: November 28, 2007, 06:49:42 PM »

Glad some people like it!
« Last Edit: December 12, 2007, 04:27:47 PM by Asadi »
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Asadi

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Re: Kabuto desc
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2007, 04:28:03 PM »

Neji, what do you think?
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