Morgoth: Typical. You bring together some of the finest criminal minds in the world and you can’t even accomplish something as trivial as mass murder. So what have you been doing all this time?
Mariah: Well, first, we trolled Yugi’s Youtube account and then… We…, we…, uh… We haven’t really gotten much done. At all.
Morgoth: Then I suppose we’re gonna have to kick things up a notch, aren’t we? You! The tall one. What’s your name?
ZORC: My name is Zorc.
CODY: And I’m Cody. We’re identical twins.
ZORC: It’s true. We both look exactly the same.
Morgoth: I have a job for you. I want you to find Yugi Moto and destroy him!
ZORC: Um, actually, now that I have a contract with Disney, I’m not allowed to destroy anyone.
Morgoth: Oh for the love of Sports Entertainment! (music starts) What good is a giant blue monster if you can’t use it to destroy everything that opposes you!?
ZORC: But I am allowed to sing about it. (singing to the tune of “A Whole New World”) I can destroy the world. Total an-i-hil-a-tion. Wiping out every nation, I will cleanse the globe with fire.
CODY: (also singing) Everybody must die. You must show no remorse.
ZORC: (not singing) Even the French?
CODY: (not singing) Of course!
ZORC: (singing again) Then I shall slaughter them with pride! Destroy the world! My dragon penis it will spew fiery death everywhere. This Teddy bear will back me up with feeling.
TEDDY: (also singing) Destroy the world! In Satan’s name we will accrue a thousand trillion deaths. Their blood will spread. And everybody’s soul will belong to Satan. (song ends)
Morgoth: Look, much as I may love a classic Walt Disney musical number, unless you plan to make good on your lyrics, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask you to silence! Yourself.
Mariah: You know, maybe I could go and, I don’t know, maybe banish Yugi to the Shadow Realm?
Morgoth: Don’t bother, Florence. Truth is, I don’t trust any of you to do this one simple task. Beyond helping me hone my skills with a chainsaw, you’ve all proven to be extremely ineffectual.
Mariah: Well, at least let me kidnap the guy!
Morgoth: Yes. Bring him before me. I shall do the job that none of you could. I shall kill Yugi Moto!
ZORC: Hooray! This calls for a cheerful song. With the help of my good friend, Robin Williams.
ROBIN WILLIAMS: Hey, hey, hey.
CODY: Haha! Robin Williams. You’re funny.
YUGI: Where the hell am I? What is this place?
Mariah: I believe we’re somewhere in Egypt. At least, that’s what the subtitle always says at the beginning.
Morgoth: So then, Yugi, my little hockey puck. Do you have any final words before I terminate you with extreme prejudice?
Mariah: You know, you never hear about anybody terminating with mild prejudice, do you?
YUGI: Look, I know we’ve had some disagreements in the past but think about what you’re doing! If I die, it won’t fix everything that happened to you. Ask yourself, what would killing me accomplish?
Morgoth: Other than making me laugh like a maniac, not much. But it’s enough.
YUGI: Wait, stop!
Caption:[censored] (a chainsaw and Yugi yelling are heard)
Morgoth: (laughs) Ah, that was very satisfying.
Mariah: You killed Yugi.
Morgoth: You betcha.
Mariah: And off screen, too.
Morgoth: It’s what he would’ve wanted.
Mariah: I can’t believe it. He’s really, finally dead.
Morgoth: Yes. And now, Mariah, you are my favorite child and we’re going toward disney land ten times.
